My god, Steins; Gate was so good
I never realized how important my own shadow was. Some things have happened over the course of my present life and I have never known what I was searching for, hoping for, or waiting for.
I grew up thinking that I would some day learn new things, get physically stronger, push mentally harder, and I’m not sure what else; however, regardless, those were the things that were important to me. Quite often I felt like my own super hero, my own protagonist. I did my own things and did my own in serving others as well. I remember one time I enjoyed being a “slave”, although, I wasn’t truly a slave. I was more like a loyal aid, an extremely loyal aid to a friend. My point is that I was my own person throughout and never ceased to please myself in the process. My sense of self-direction and own impellent was evident; however, along with these rather positive attributes or characteristics, my mind was also filled with many doubts. The doubt is the counterbalance and so many times I have doubted myself.
Regret, I have forsaken, but, doubt I have carried with me subtlely and sorely, like the papers in my backpack whenever I go to school. —
The shadow is something that I am familiar with always being at my back. High school has been a journey full of untrustworthy shadows. There have been so many versions of my shadow that I have seen and none have been exactly exact.
Listen, if you’re reading this and it’s confusing, don’t try to understand it. This is something that I cannot explain, but can only talk about.
I have been talking about a shadow and if you refer to my previous quote about not being anybody’s shadow, it might make a bit more sense.
Don’t assume incorrectly, however. I will tell you just what I have been up to in just a moment.
Do you have younger siblings or people that you admire? People that you might see as lower and perhaps not higher? Well, if you do, it’s somewhat relevant.
I hope to stop talking in fragments now and just spill the beans. I have been looking for shadows for a long, long time. I have been looking for people who not admire me, but want to be like me. It’s a small thing that was characteristic of me when I was younger due to many reasons. But it has grown, and it has grown as massive as the earth that I can no longer realize the magnitude of it. I have been searching for a lost cause, maybe not even a cause, but a lost something that does not exist. In all honesty, it’s a good feeling to have someone who wants to be like you. It makes you feel good inside possibly due to the reassurance you receive, that you know what you’re doing is in complete agreement with another.
I am not measuring the level of sense I am making, so don’t bother reading if it is too troublesome.
Shadows are my pride and were my pride. But I think it’s time I become my own shadow, to follow myself. There are so many things I like to explore that I know anyone will ignore. But the knowledge that I no longer need to search for a shadow—I have finally been able to put it into words. I feel invincible.
I am a PUNK.
“People No longer understand it was always about being yourself and not being anyone’s shadow. ”